One minute life is flying perfectly on all cylinders. The next moment, I'm all alone in my room, laying on the floor empty of hope and full of anxiety. It just felt like life was crashing down and I had an incredibly hard time coping with stress. I didn't know how to move forward. I was too uninspired to try, too dispirited to dream, and too exhausted to exist. There's not much life left in me.
In public, I appeared as strong as ever. Smiled for the cameras when it was time. Tried to dress up the best way I could. I shared my silly jokes with friends. I tried to be social.
Eventually, I couldn't keep up with this duality and slowly withdrew from the world. I came to the end of my road: physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually. It requires loads of energy to put a good face on when you feel like your world is crashing down and there's nothing you can do about it.
There's no answer nor person that can help you.
My paranoia was at an all-time high. I felt disgusted under my own skin. I felt unlovable and like a burden to everyone. These thoughts and feelings ultimately led me to give up on my writing, hobbies, my ministry service, even my friends, and living in general. Seclusion became the norm and my identity was gone.
I was lost.
Little did I know that the trip which I have booked seven months ago would lead me to rediscovering life.
Fast forward to now, I find myself joyfully singing while playing the guitar at my new home, Siargao Island. Here I am with someone close to my heart, laying on the sand, being embraced by the proud sun. The bright sky is framed by coconut trees. The stillness of the ocean makes my mind wanna scream "I am here! I am alive! It is real!"
I am still amazed how someone can find a family who once were strangers. To find a home in a place I've just lived in for weeks. To find comfort in discomfort. To embrace the idea of not knowing. And to let life surprise and love you.
I don't have much of the norm to show: No degree. No house or a car. I barely have anything in my savings account. All that remains is the gold treasure of my true self once hidden, but now ready to shine. This piece of gold is dusty and needs polishing, but that's okay. Learning about my true self is an endless journey, for my soul is ever evolving.
If you feel like you're at a crossroad in life and want to give up— hold on. Whether it's your love life, work, lack of spark towards life, or you just feel lost. Just hold on. Life will get better if you just stick around and fight.
Life will have it's rough moments and will lead you to questioning many facets of your life. However, your breakdowns doesn't have to define you, but instead they can become your breakthrough.
Question for you: How did you survive rough and stressful times?